Gimme some Coke Zero, man!

OK, I'm kidding. Mostly. But this sucks. I realized upon giving up my beloved Coke Zero that one thing it does for me is allow me to have something sweet in my mouth all day long. That's not good, I guess and probably better that I cut that out. But I find myself really missing it and that's hard. I have been having a cup of tea in the mornings with a packet of Stevia (or in my case "Purevia"). I feel like it's better than artificial sweeteners. But I am inclined to switch to honey and suck up the extra calories. (Sorry, I cannot drink my tea unsweetened. It's yucky.)

My husband and I had "the talk" last night, as we periodically do, about buying better food. Although I am a stay-at-home mom, contrary to popular belief, this does not mean we are wealthy people. So, I clip coupons and try to save as much on food as I can while still making sure there's plenty to eat. But as parents, we realize that we can do better, it's just so hard to release that extra cash. I'm going to figure it out though. I need to find a way to make it work. I can shop Whole Foods just like I do Kroger - what's on sale thins week? It'll cost more but maybe I can keep it from going into the astronomical range. And the biggest culprit is meat. So, the obvious answer is to reduce our consumption. We can afford to do this, we just haven't made it a priority like we should.

So, this morning I did not want to go to the gym. So much so that I contemplated not going at all, then I put it off for a little bit this morning so I could watch The Defenders. But int he end I went and had an amazing workout, my time on the elliptical was better than usual. Maybe P!nk helped, I don't know. But I am glad I went. Now I am going to vegetate for a bit!

Somebunny likes me!

Dillypoo over at Dillypoo Chatter thinks I am versatile!



Dillypoo has provided me with much inspiration that I can not only reach my goal but that I can actually look younger when I do! Phew! Thanks for your story and your photos, they give me hope.

Anyhoo, by accepting the Versatile Blogger Award, I have to:

* Thank and link back to who gave me the award.
* Share seven things about myself.
* Pass it along to seven blogs I've recently discovered and enjoy.
* Leave the recipients a note telling them about the award.


Thank you Casey for giving me something to blog about this weekend (and for being an awesome friend and office mate).

Now for seven random things about me:

1.) I love John Mayer. I don't care that he says inappropriate things. OK, well I care but it doesn't make me love him any less.

2.) I am wearing silver toenail polish.

3.) My guilty pleasure is Bravo TV and its many awesome reality shows, The Real Housewives of New York and New Jersey, The Rachel Zoe Project, Flipping Out, Top Chef in all its varieties.

4.) I have a fascination with all things "weird." I love aliens, ghosts and cryptozoology - Bigfoot, Chupacabras.

5.) I love to scrapbook.

6.) I play World of Warcraft. Yes, I am a geek.

7.) I still haven't put away my Halloween decorations. :(

Dillypoo wrote: "Now it's my turn to pass along the award to seven bloggers I like. This is a challenge for me for two reasons. First, I'm a lousy commenter on blogs and therefore don't have as many blog buddies as I'd like. It's something I'm working on. Second, most of the blogs I follow don't seem to be the kind of blogs that pass along blog awards, so we'll see what happens!"

I feel kinda silly even posting this as Dillypoo, you seem to be my only reader! Haha! So, I think I will forego passing this on for now. I am working on the commenting on other blogs thing myself!

Rehab.

I am drinking my last Coke Zero. I hope. I was drinking it last night even as I wrote that entry and I capped the rest and saved it for this morning. If I were truly strong I would have poured it down the drain but I knew I'd need caffeine this morning and I figured I should savor the last one. I'm going to switch wholesale to water, except I have to get caffeine somehow. Coffee or tea, I guess.

My name is Tracey, and I'm a Coke Zero addict.

I periodically go vegetarian, usually for a few months, until I get fed up with the inconvenience and give up. I also periodically decide I am going to eat ultra healthy until I give in and have some Baked Lay's. But I feel like more and more of it sticks with me each time. I do vacillate between wanting to never eat crap again and not wanting to never be able to eat even a little crap again. Ha! My biggest demon is diet soda. I have tried repeatedly to break the addiction. I don't know why I cannot but I suspect, in all seriousness, that there is something addictive in them other than the caffeine. Even when I replace the caffeine with something else, I crave the soda. For weeks, until I give in. I have got to figure out how to get rid of that stuff once and for all. Some research suggests it might be the aspartame that's addictive. Some of the sites I find look a little "wackadoo" but I know something is going on in that can. I just need to commit to not ingesting that stuff in any form. I can't really think of any sources other than the diet soda where I get it, but I surely must get off that soda.

Alrighty then!

Not following any specific eating plan despite my thinking I would. The menus in the book have been very good for individual meals and snacks. I've reduced my gym time to 30 minutes of intervals on the elliptical and have not taken up running again. And I am already three pounds down this week. Interesting!

I'm still trying to reconcile my feelings about fat acceptance with my feelings about myself. And I think that while my personal choices wouldn't be kosher in FA circles, it doesn't matter because I am not going onto their turf and trying to convince them of their validity. I think that loving my body entails taking care of it and loving myself means doing that in a way that doesn't make me miserable. The acceptance comes by accepting the pace at which this happens and making peace with whatever weight at which my body settles.

I see what I did there . . .

I realized today that part of my anger over these weight-related articles I am reading is my old fat acceptance ideals popping up. Once upon a time I decided that I was just going to accept this body and love it and treat it well and live happily ever after. I read blogs on the topic and articles and I got it, I really did. I am totally on board with it. But for some reason that I don't understand and therefore can't explain, I can't apply it to me. So, it's why I don't want to diet but don't mind exercising. I just want the pounds to come off because I eat "right" and take care of my body. In other words, I want to accept my body and love it and treat it well but I want the end result of that to be pounds coming off, not me being forever fat. Yeah.

I just get so angry that we're dismissed out of hand as being gluttonous, fat pigs. While I realize that there are people for whom that is accurate, almost everyone has a story that makes things harder. You know we're always being told how "easy" it is, and it's a "choice" to be fat. What about the person who was raised from birth on garbage? What about women like me who suffered through postpartum depression and ate away the pain? What about people who have illnesses? Just because people overeat, or eat the wrong things, doesn't mean they're pigs.

Why does the Fat Acceptance thought process make so much sense to me and yet I cannot apply it to myself? I guess on some level I clearly have not internalized the message as the mere fact that I remain dissatisfied with my body means I don't accept it. I don't even know what my point is, other than I am just very conflicted.

I really gotta stop reading stupid people.

There is this advice column thing on CNN that I read yesterday. Boyfriend Has Issues with my Weight. In the letter, the author states that she is a small/medium shirt size and a size 8 but her boyfriend told her that her weight was an issue. The comments blew me away. Far too many to be all trolling for attention - she shouldn't have let herself go like that, a size 8 is getting up there, if she's short that's pretty obese, he's only concerned about her health, if it bothers her she should do something about it. Look, I am short. I am 5'2" and when I was a size 8, I wasn't model thin but I was nowhere near obese. Some people tried to point that out, they were called liars. Our society has really devolved into believing that anything other than model thin, size zero is fat. It's kind of disgusting. It's one thing to teach people that fat isn't healthy but it's quite another when people believe that anything less than perfection is fat and therefore they have the right to call you names. We need some more education out there other than "fat is bad." We need to stop looking at BMI, which has no accounting for muscle mass, we need to help women and men understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that for some people, no amount of weight loss will change a person's proportions. If you're pear shaped, you're pear shaped. You can be a smaller pear but you will still be a pear.

Let's try this again.

I had a post all written out last night and when I hit publish it disappeared into the ether. I think it has something to do with image upload feature which gave me fits this morning.

So, yesterday didn't go quite as planned. I went up to my son's school to wrap up my project and realized I had a task to do that took hours of being on my feet. And I had to go grocery shopping. My meals were OK (see photo) but a workout never happened because my feet hurt, a lot. But, I checked in with the Wii Fit this morning and I was down two pounds, which is odd, but I'll take it. 189.5 Sort of in the 180's but I'm not celebrating yet.

Things have been a little rough around here. My teenager's girlfriend broke up with him and he's really sad and had a bit of a mini-meltdown this morning. Presumably about science class but I think he's just really stressed out. So I have not exercised yet but I am thinking about hitting the gym since it's cold outside. I haven't decided whether I want to resume or re-start the Couch to 5K. I wasn't feeling it like I thought I would. Maybe when I am smaller and running isn't so hard.